Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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