and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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