listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
