nut hugger
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
