I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
