he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
