I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
