remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
