My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's just like the Real World with babies
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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