Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
