I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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