I wannas sexs uuuuu
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
