So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
