isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
