like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
