OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
