listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Randomize
