Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
