wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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