oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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