Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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