that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
