This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
