how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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