so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think i peed on brittanys purse
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize