Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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