i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize