if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
