There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
