I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
