I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
