i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
