i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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