i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
