i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
