I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
