don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize