Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
