Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
