That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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