Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
