Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
