When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
