Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize