I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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