In the future we'll all be gay
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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