i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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