i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
