And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
