Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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