Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize