sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
