The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
