I hate all girls vehemently.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
