He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize