Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder meâ€
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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