"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
