I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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