Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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