one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
