my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
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