Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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