He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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